Scott's doing it, too.
I plan on fasting for a period of three to five days; I'm not quite sure what I'm ookin gfor, or even why I'm doing it. I just want to do it, to complete it. To maybe get rid of an addiction that doesn't even lie in my body, but my mind and heart.
Do I have an addiction to food? I don't know. I know that I overindulge in a lot of htings, and I'm hoping this is a way to get past all of that. The fact is that it's 10:35 a.m. right now and I've already had almost a liter of tea. Thank god I forgot my powerade last week--what a blessing to see the Listerine colored liqued sloshing about underneath my desk.
I want to be free; but not all that really.
today I'm supposed to go and ratify the contract that says I agree it's okay for me to be furloughed 17 days, it' okay for us to slash education like this because of the economy--but people are seriously taking the time to debate the merits of a law banning smelly people off The Bus? What kind of twisted world is this?
And I kind of feel at a loss, because this is it---this is my youth, my time to stand up for something, anything and I'm not. I'm sitting in my rolly-chair and blogging about how much I miss my ex-boyfriend with whom I cuddle every night, but has no interest in dating me (unless I lost 30 lbs--strike that 20 now!). I'm sitting here, administering the HQA to a bunch of military dependents (mostly) and I know full well I haven't taught all the knowledge and skills they need to be successful. I'm sitting here. Just sitting.
And then I get so mad about issues like race and ethnicity, like the one person who asked me how I could do an autoethnography on a teacher of color pursing NBC. How could I do that? I am a teacher of color! Didn't your English teacher teach you that auto- means self? As in autobiography, autograph, and automobile? I guess I should be teaching that, so that when these same students grow up, they don't ask well-meaning but generally dumb-ass questions like that.
Here's a thought: If I could go back in time, would I never start cursing? Would I just shuck my friends in 7th grade (like I did anyway) and refuse to imbibe the foul water from a well of drowning profanities? Idk--lol.
Everyone who writes lol and does not lol should be punched in the arm, repeatedly.
Thought I was going to go on to something else profound--oh remembered it.
I want to write some novels with Black people doing things that don't involve slavery, church and language centered around the linguistic stereotype "I know she DI-ent!" in which our young black females aren't overly sexualized--not that all of our girls aren't being oversexualized in a lot of these stories and novels. When did it stop being cool to be a girl? A kid? Not all this makeup and hairdos and hairstyles; though I guess at this age I started getting into that too. But it was my mom who pushed me in the sixth grade to start wearing bras that didn't transform my chest into one smooth mound (sports bras were comfy back then). And next thing you know I'm wearing polyester suits and penny loafers with actual pennies in them (1986, of course)!
Anyway, I feel like I made some decisions, like my generation made some decisions about how we handle the world. And the way we handle it is cowardly. A bunch of educated cowards
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